


Venom

by jjjean65



Category: The Sentinel
Genre: Angst, Drama, Episode Related, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-10
Updated: 2013-05-10
Packaged: 2017-12-11 09:17:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,516
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/796527
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jjjean65/pseuds/jjjean65
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Blair makes a difficult decision.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Venom

## Venom

by Jean

Author's website:  <http://jean.fanspace.com/>

Petfly's, not mine.

Thanks to Lyn for the beta, any errors remaining are mine and mine alone. :)

Set after the tag-end bullpen piece of TsbyBS

* * *

Venom by Jean 

Jim let Blair go and smoothed out the hair he had ruffled reveling in the softness of it. He sighed. "I think I'll hate you having to lose your hair." Taking a chance, he flipped it again. 

Blair pulled out of his grasp. "I told you I'm not cutting it." 

Jim looked puzzled. "But Blair, you'll have to if you go to the academy." 

Blair looked at his friend and snorted. "Yeah, as if." Seeing Jim's concern he patted his arm and said, "Don't worry, okay." 

Jim nodded but Blair thought he was going to say something more until Simon distracted him. Blair sat down at his desk watching Jim joking with his co-workers. He nodded to himself, lost in thought until Naomi tapped him on his shoulder. 

"Hi sweetie, better now?" Blair looked up at his mother who perched herself on his desk with a tentative smile. 

Blair gave her a tired smile in return. "Hey, mom. Nope, sorry, not better yet." He glanced over at Jim and sighed, "Not for a while I think." 

Blair watched as Naomi frowned with concern. "So will you join up? Be a cop?" She gave him a bright but false smile. "Be all that you can be?" 

Blair let out a choked laugh that was almost a sob. " Be all that I have left, you mean? I'll get back to you on that okay? " He shook off the concern he felt from Naomi and ignored the looks he could see Jim giving him from the corner of his eye. Taking a deep breath he smiled at Naomi and asked." So where are you off to next?" 

"Phoenix. Why?" 

Blair squeezed her hand and stood up to give her a hug. He whispered quietly in her ear. "Might join you for a while. I need to kill the bad vibes. I have to let all this settle down before I decide on anything." 

Naomi looked delighted and hugged him back with a big grin. "That would be great! " Her smile faded as she caught Jim watching them. "But what about Jim?" 

Blair shrugged, taking comfort from her concern. "I have to figure that out too. Leave a number where I can reach you, okay?" 

Naomi nodded, and letting him go, went over to join the others, leaving Blair alone to wonder over his future. 

* * *

Later in the week Blair opened the door of the loft to find two of his former students gingerly holding boxes of stuff that Blair recognized as his. Blair gave them a cautious smile. "Hi Amy, Sam. Come in." 

Amy gave him a smile as she passed over the box she carried. "Sorry to see this happen to you, Mr. Sandburg." 

Blair put the box over near his bedroom door. "Yeah, well." He shrugged as he accepted the other box from Amy's partner. 

"Amy and I know you're more honest than most people. Something else is going on. Not fraud, but something." At Blair's startled look, Sam continued. "Hey, we won't pry but if we can help - let us know okay?" 

Blair relaxed. "Yeah, thanks, guys." He chatted with them for a short while until they left and as he closed the door on them he turned to look at the bones of his career lurking by the door. Blair sat on the sofa with the contents of the box littered around him until Jim arrived home from work. 

* * *

Jim noticed Blair's red eyes, the wadded tissues and the empty beer bottles. He could almost taste the grief from his roommate. In an effort to lighten the mood, he joked, "What's all this junk?" He waved his hand over the papers scattered around the room. 

Blair gave a forced and watery chuckle. "Got that right -junk is all that's left of my career." He got up and threw it all back in the boxes. Looking around the room he started to pull things from the wall, things that had only recently been replaced there. 

Jim watched, uncertain of Blair's mood but he finally asked, "What now, Chief? Packing up all your other stuff?" 

Blair stopped briefly to look at Jim. "Well, it's not my life anymore. Just junk here too." 

Jim frowned, reaching out to Blair. "I don't understand, I only called it junk for a joke." 

Blair sighed as he placed a mask down on a box. "I know, that's the problem." He avoided Jim's gaze and stepped away from his outstretched hand, denying himself the comfort he wanted to take. 

Jim accepted the rebuff and sat down on the sofa, watching as Blair moved around the room. "What's wrong? I need a clue here, is this about your hair?" 

Blair threw a book forcefully into the nearest wall, finally snapping. "My hair!" he yelled at his shocked friend. "My hair was the only thing I never changed for you! I lost my earrings, my friends, my career, my life; trying to live up to your image of me." 

Jim stood up trying to calm his agitated friend. "What do you mean, my image of you? I gave up seeing you as a hippy a long time ago." 

Blair turned away picking up the book he had thrown, wincing at the damaged spine. "I'm leaving. I can't sort my life out here." 

"No, you can't leave!" 

Blair tossed the book onto the growing heap of junk. "One good reason, Jim, give me one good reason." 

Blair watched as Jim floundered, it was obvious he was unprepared for this conversation. "You have a career now." 

Blair gave a vicious smirk, one that alarmed Jim. "No, Jim. I had a career. You've only offered me a solution to a problem. Your problem." 

Jim pleaded with him, "You aren't a problem. If it isn't your career, make it yours! We want you there." 

Blair's face grew angrier as he shook his head. "No, I can't. It's not me. I'm not a cop, remember?" 

Jim flinched at the tone of Blair's voice. "Stay. Please." 

The bitter voice that replied held no spark at all. "Why?" 

Jim whispered out the words he had longed to say. "I love you." 

Blair muttered, "Filios, spiritus or eros?" 

"What, Chief?" Jim had barely heard the words, let alone understood them. 

"How do you love me, Jim?" Blair began again as he picked up his backpack. "Filios - brotherly love." 

Jim interrupted him. "You told me it was about friendship when we came back from Peru. I know you love me, right? You've said as much before." 

Blair gave a stiff nod. "Spiritus - in spirit?" 

Jim was encouraged by the response. "Yes, I love your spirit. The panther showed me the wolf. When I brought you back." 

Blair nodded again. "Spirit was the next step in our path." He gave a wry grin that faded as he met Jim's gaze with a challenging look. "You called and I came back. I came back for you, to complete the last step." He stepped closer to Jim. "Eros - love of the body. Do you love my body?" 

Jim gave a short clipped sound as he flinched back from the steely tone of Blair's voice. Blair pressed him for an answer. "Do you? I think you do. So, what now? All is forgiven? I throw myself into your arms, fling myself into your bed, onto your cock and it's happy ever after?" 

Jim looked at Blair shocked by the venom in his voice. "Blair, I don't... I mean..." he finished, quietly uncertain. "If you want." 

Blair cried out and threw his arms in the air in obvious exasperation. "Not good enough, Jim. Sometimes love is not enough." 

"It's all I can offer." 

Blair sighed as he moved toward the door. "I know. I gave you so much and that's all you can offer." 

Blair 's words angered Jim. "What! I'm supposed to account for your sacrifice until we even it up?" Jim shook his head. 

"No. Look at me, Jim, really look. Tell me what you see." 

Jim raised his eyes to look into the almost blank stare of the man he thought he knew. He stated with quiet surety, "My sanity. My life." 

Blair nodded. "Yes, your life, your sanity. That's what you see when you look at me. Not another person at all. Let me be me." 

Jim stood silently as Blair left the loft. Silent tears rolled down his cheeks as he tracked the younger man until he heard the whispered words 

"Let go, Jim. Let me be." 

As ever, the Sentinel did as his Guide asked. And found himself alone. 

* * *

End Venom by Jean: mcarthur@adam.com.au

Author and story notes above.

  
Disclaimer: _The Sentinel_ is owned etc. by Pet Fly, Inc. These pages and the stories on them are not meant to infringe on, nor are they endorsed by, Pet Fly, Inc. and Paramount. 


End file.
